Information Fasting

The December issue of True North Parenting is out. This time I wrote an article on Information Fasting. Check it out, if you’re inspired.

I need to revisit it myself. A bit info overloaded again lately… it comes on so unconsciously, you don't even know it's happening.

Funny story: I’m sitting with an associate in my entrepreneur’s group two days ago, waiting for others to arrive to start our meeting. She has the True North Parenting magazine in front of her, having just closed it when I sat down. We started chatting and somehow got onto the topic of focus. She says, “This woman in this magazine just wrote a whole article about how she put away all her books and gave away her magazines and just made herself stop taking in new information for a while. I totally need to try that.” I was smiling, waiting for her to laugh and acknowledge that it was my article, but she didn’t. I said, “You know that was me who wrote that, right?” (perplexed that she hadn’t admitted to the joke yet.) She was totally shocked! She was just sharing the ideas in the article with me, like a good idea resource. It was very cool. I felt like that scene is When Harry Met Sally when Jess says to Marie during that dinner where they are supposed to actually be hooking up with Sally and Harry, instead of each other, “Oh my Gohd, I have never had anyone quote me to me before!”

Networking Fumble. Party Pitch Planned.

Sometimes I go to the Bend Chamber of Commerce events. I was reluctant at first, expecting a stiffly formal, hyper-networky experience. While networking is clearly the goal, and no one is ashamed to admit it, I've found them to be an overall nice experience. It's actually refreshing to be somewhere where the networking aspect is just way out in the open. "Selling yourself" is invited, and everyone is clearly looking for ways to both make new business connections for themselves and to facilitation business connections for one another. I love it when everyone is just up front about what they're up to.

A recent Friday morning I went to an Entrepreneurial Council meeting put on by the chamber. These are educational meetings, with a speaker who shares business tips, insights, strategies with the group. After a few minutes of planned networking, the formal business of the meeting began. The council chair did a few announcements and then, to my surprise, he said he thought we had a small enough group to go around the room and introduce ourselves and our business. There were at least 40 of us! Only my second meeting, I had no idea this would happen. The first meeting I attended had more like 60 people and we did not introduce ourselves.

Now, ordinarily this is a good opportunity. Here's this audience of 40 people waiting to hear about my business. Given the nature of my business, this is my target audience, no less. You can't pay for this kind of targeted exposure! Why am I not thrilled?

I am totally unprepared. And when you are a "communication coach and consultant", you, um, really should be prepared to say what you do. And when your business name is Eloquence Communication, ideally you can say what you do, um, eloquently.

I know what I do, of course. I even have a "pitch" I can say. However, I realized sitting in this room that the pitch I have isn't the right one for two reasons. First of all, it is mostly designed for small business owners and entrepreneurs - this room is full of these AND people from larger organizations. Second, my pitch does not include a specific description of the benefits of working with me. Crazy! While I work regularly with people on these very things, I have not taken the time to rethink my own "elevator speech". Fine time to realize this!

So, I fumbled through a less-than-eloquent description of what I do, counting on the big smile and facade of confidence that are necessary in these types of situations. No one looked phased (great business people never do) but no one rushed up to me to discuss my services either. And now I am working very actively on what I prefer to call my "party pitch language" so that I am never in this missed-opportunity situation again. I'll keep you posted.

Keeping Your Word is a Big Deal

I have a new client who is right in the midst of a huge level leap in her business. She needs a ton of help with a zillion things. Since I happen to know people who do three of those things she needs help on, I told her I'd send along referrals. I have worked with two of the sources I recommended, so I can refer them with confidence. The third is someone I met recently, was impressed by our first interaction, and decided to make a referral based on our meeting.

Making referrals feels really good, doesn't it? I love it. I love that I am helping the person to whom I am making the referral. It's hard to decide who to go to for help, if you don't know anyone first hand. And I love that I am almost literally handing over business to someone. We all know that referred business is so much hotter than business that comes virtually any other way.

So, explain this to me. I called the guy I didn't know well to tell him about my client, then I followed up with an email. He responded a day and a half later. If it were me getting that referral, I would have responded faster, for sure, but that's not that long, so not a big deal. But in his email response, he said he'd call me that afternoon. He didn't call me that afternoon, nor did he call me the next day. On the third day, I emailed him and said if he was interested in my client he needed to get in touch asap because my client wanted to have a meeting the next Monday (it was Friday.) He did respond then by email and followed up with a phone call. At this point, though, I'm curious if he is really all that interested in this new business. I am nervous that he won't respond fast enough to my client when she calls and that it will reflect on me because I referred him. I don't want my client to become annoyed at me because I brought this flaky guy into her life.

I addressed the situation with the guy when he called. It was awkward. I had the impression he thought I was being unreasonable. That he would argue, if we knew each other better or he wasn't trying to preserve the possibility of me passing along more business, that he really hadn't taken that long to respond to me. Even his apology sent this message, "I'm sorry if you felt like I didn't respond as quickly as you expected."

People have different time frames and urgency in business. He may not need business that badly - or possibly he doesn't want to set unreasonable expectations for response time in the future. All his prerogative, of course. None of that is the point (though the ramifications of this type of "client training" are a good topic for another post). The point is, you should do what you say you will do. If you say you'll call, call. If you forget to call, call as soon as you remember and apologize for not honoring your commitment (and don't let this happen very often - get a better task-tracking system and/or hire an assistant if you need to.) If you can't meet a deadline, tell the person you are very sorry you won't be able to honor your commitment and give them a new, realistic date - and meet that commitment no matter what.

Actually, do this with everyone in your life. Because you never know who is a source of business referral... but most importantly, because your actions communicate your character, and you want to feel great about who you are for yourself and for the people who matter in your life.

The Little Things

When I hung up the phone after leaving a message on someone's voice mail today, my husband (who I didn't know was listening) said to me, "You want to know something I really like that you do?" Intrigued, and more than a little bit excited by the mysterious and unexpected feedback, I said, "Yea, I do!"

"Whenever you get off the phone, even if you are just leaving a message, you say 'GOODbye'. You never say 'bye' or 'bye bye', you always say the whole word, 'GOODbye' (emphasis and upswing on the first half of the word).

I felt really good, hearing that from him. I loved it that the feedback was positive, of course, but it was even more than that. It was such a little thing to notice, the way I say goodbye on the phone. I think that's what I loved most about it. I felt so... well, noticed. At the risk of being dramatic, I'd even say I felt known, like he gets me. Because I care about the way I communicate so much and that he was paying attention to this thing that matters so much to me was really validating.

This made me think about how this applies to so many scenarios - noticing the little things. From mentioning that you read your client's latest blog post to showing your audience in a presentation that you identify with them by sharing a personal story that reflects their own experiences. When my husband noticed the way I say goodbye on the phone, I felt really good and connected to him. That's the way we want to feel with other human beings - in marriage, of course, but really in all parts of life.

What little thing can you notice and share today so that one person feels the connection between the two of you more powerfully?

Style Statement by Carrie McCarthy & Danielle LaPort

In my last post on Branding Clarity, I said I would share some of the tools we use to help our clients get very clear on who they are, what they must say, and how to express themselves most powerfully. So, I'll tell you about one of the coolest finds ever for clarifying your personal style and your business style - Style Statement: Live by Your Own Design by Carrie McCarthy & Danielle LaPort.

I saw Style Statement: Live by Your Own Design on one of those bump-your-hip tables in the center aisle at Barnes and Noble on a date night with my husband. The cover is lovely and the name intriguing, so I added it to my ridiculous pile of books to look through while I drink my non-fat, half-caf, two pump, extra hot white mocha (yea, I'm one of those coffee orderers). I had just enough time to flip through the Style Statement book by the time we had to head home and relieve our babysitter. The book is filled with photos of beautiful things. There are stories about real people and how they define themselves with two simple words and change their lives as a result. I was intrigued enough, in my quick flip-through, to order the book online the next day.

Since then, I've been increasingly astonished at the value of the concepts I learned in this book. First off, I didn't love the layout of the book. It was confusing for me. I chalk that up to a low tolerance for high art. I don't understand many things that others consider brilliant artistically. I also didn't do the exercises just the way they suggest them. I found it cumbersome. That could be because I have spent a lifetime contemplating my proverbial naval so a number of the questions seemed obvious to me and felt like I'd be getting off-track. Anyway, all that said - I am deeply grateful to Carrie & Danielle (they have formed a company with this name - Carrie and Danielle - through which they do Style Statement consultations) for the ideas they have given me in my work. I use a process that has many similar elements to the questions and suggestions that Carrie & Danielle make in their Style Statement book in my Branding Clarity sessions with clients. And, while I have a number of other question streams and explorations that I mix in, we do land on a two-word phrase much like the ones in Style Statement to drive branding in my client's business that is based on "foundation words" and "creative edge" words from the Style Statement book. Check out the book to learn more about those. It's too technical to explain each term for a blog post. If you're intrigued, you'll want the book. So get it.

The most important thing is that your phrase (just as for a Style Statement) feels accurate and uplifting. It should inspire you to work better, brighter, more powerfully. If it doesn't, it's not the right phrase. Try again.

So, what do we do with this phrase in Branding Clarity? We use it as a reference. We look at all expressions of your business: marketing materials, internal documents, presentations, logo and colors, language and word choices, key phrases... and ask whether they match this fundamental, distilled description of the client's brand (personality...style...)

Here's an example. Allison Hull, owner and designer at Lemon Halo in Bend, Oregon, went through the Branding Clarity process with me and we landed on Bold Fanciful as her branding phrase. It's not easy, landing on the right phrase, but when you do land on it, you know pretty quickly. It feels right. It makes perfect sense. You think to yourself, "Of course!", while an underlying feeling of giddiness lingers in your belly. Especially after a few days of sitting with the phrase, it simply either works or it doesn't. Bold Fanciful works for Allison. She felt revived, energized, pumped up to take her business to the next level once she claimed her phrase. Images came to mind, and colors and ideas. So inspired, she called her graphic designer and had a new logo and all new marketing materials created and began the process of redesigning her website! It's been at least two months and if you ask Allison today about the Branding Clarity process and the value of her branding phrase and she'll light up and tell you it rocked her whole business!

Branding Clarity, in general

Quick - what is your brilliance? What makes you irresistable and memorable to people?

Are you funny and earthy? Are you intense and artistic? Are you loving and adventurous? Are you terse and distant?

And your business? How is your business experienced by clients, potential clients, vendors, and friends? Is it fun to work with you? Is it easy? Do people feel safe and grounded? Do they feel stretched and satiated by their experience with you? Does interaction with your business add zest and flair to their life or does it bring peace of mind and a sense of comfort?

Your brand is the personality of your business. It is not your product. It is not your logo. It is not your marketing program. All of these things should be full of or drive your brand, but your brand is a separate thing in itself.

It really is just like personality in a person. If you are happy-go-lucky in personality, it is likely that you choose to do things that are fun and playful (at least part of the time), you live a lifestyle that has a happy-go-lucky quality and you probably even dress in ways that reflect this personality characteristic.

Similarly, if you are serious and introverted in personality, there's a good chance that you do things that engage that serious part of you more often (reading, maybe... research, contemplation... you get the idea). You likely dress and speak in ways that are consistent with this personality trait. Your personality is consistent with your style overall.

People get to know you, respond to you and remember you based on these qualities.

The same things happens with your business. This is your brand; the personality of your business. People remember your brand when they remember your business.

So, be intentional about your branding. Be sure that you articulate your brand and make your business decisions with the conscious goal of reflecting that brand.

This is easy to say, as are most things theoretical. The application is the hard part. Articulating your brand is no trivial matter and most of us struggle to first identify the current characteristics of our brand then name them. Then it gets even more complex as we look at those characteristics and decide if they make up the personality we want associated with our business.

Alas - there are ways to get there, however! A guided, deep inquiry with specific tools designed to draw out a succinct description of your business' personality can give you a reference point to use when deciding on logos, colors, language, and even product ideas.

In the next few weeks, we'll talk more about some of these tools for branding clarity. Stay tuned.

Your Parenting Brand

I know some of you aren't going to like this - and I'm sorry about that. I want you to like what I write. And yet, I am committed to sharing truths (as I see them) that are useful to you (as I see it.) So, I'm putting it out there:

Your parenting is part of your brand.

Ugh - I know, parenting is already pressure-filled enough these days. It's hard enough to do the right things by your kids when there is so much contrary evidence out there! And if you're even close to as exhausted as I often am, it is impossible to imagine one more thing to add to the "worry about" category of your to-do list. Please know that I both sympathize and empathize. I've got three young babes of my own.

Here's the story that prompted this post:
My three girls, my husband and I were at Gigglybops, a local kid play cafe' in our town. The girls love it there because they can dive into the huge ball pit and climb the climbing wall. I love it because I can get a steamy hot half-caf latte (gotta spread the caffeine out all day long) and do the occasional email in between helping one of them scale the roof of the play house or open the lid to the elephant trunk game (don't ask.)

Our "center-child", A (who is potty training) yells, "I have to go potty. I have to go potty!" Jim runs over saying, "Okay, let's go go go!" and they rush into the bathroom. A few minutes later, I hear a mom who is sitting with two friends chatting, whisper to her daughther, "Someone's in the bathroom - we'll have to wait." A few more minutes go by and Jim and A are still not out of the bathroom. The mom is getting visibly agitated, though the daughter seems to be doing okay. Now, I admit - I would be a bit stressed, too, if I was the mom. There's something visceral that comes alive when I imagine my child in physical discomfort. And I hate that feeling of having to... um, go potty, and not being able to just get it done. So, I identified with the mom as I watched her pace around and glance every 30 seconds at the bathroom door.

Until...

She started making comments to her friends about my child. I'm not even sure what she said, exactly. It was something about her taking so long in the bathroom. There was an eye roll and an irritated sigh. Then there was something really distasteful about bathroom citrus spray.

I'm guessing that the mom didn't realize that it was my child in the bathroom, and that I was behind her at a table, with a really great view of her body language and within earshot of her conversation. My first reaction was pure Mama-fight - Hey, my kid is two years old and potty training! Are you making FUN of her?!

But then I realized, this is one of those moments. This is one of those times where stepping back and observing is the best approach. Notice how I feel, hearing this mom, who is understandably not at her best right now, be mean and catty about my daughter. Imagine how icky she must feel right now to be stooping to such a place. Once I got myself out of hyper-defense mode, I realized something really valuable and annoying.

If I met that woman again in any context, I would not want to engage with her. Even if she is nice to me. Even if I hear that she is a brilliant editor and I want desperately to get published in her magazine. I don't trust her because I now know that she can be catty about a two year old who is practicing going potty. She has bad judgement.

That woman is branding herself. It's not the only thing I noticed about her, of course. I noticed that she ignored her kids while they screamed all over the play area, though I originally decided that she must be exhausted and just needed a place to let them blow off steam. Been there before myself, plenty. I also noticed that she was nicely dressed and seemed to be having a really engaged and interesting conversation with her friends, which I always appreciate since I love engaged conversations with friends. Before the icky thing over my daughter using the bathroom, I was relatively neutral about this woman.

No more. Because the way you are with kids is very indicative of who you are as a person. It's not the sum total and I get it that kids can bring out the glorious best - and the no-one-should-see-this-worst in many of us. I'm just saying that the thing we have to keep in mind is that it all communicates to the world, like it or not, who we are and what we value. Especially in light of the fact that little human souls need compassion and love, not judgment, even when we aren't feeling our best. We have to step up anyway. For them first and foremost - but, frankly, also because it's our personal brand at stake.