I know some of you aren't going to like this - and I'm sorry about that. I want you to like what I write. And yet, I am committed to sharing truths (as I see them) that are useful to you (as I see it.) So, I'm putting it out there:
Your parenting is part of your brand.
Ugh - I know, parenting is already pressure-filled enough these days. It's hard enough to do the right things by your kids when there is so much contrary evidence out there! And if you're even close to as exhausted as I often am, it is impossible to imagine one more thing to add to the "worry about" category of your to-do list. Please know that I both sympathize and empathize. I've got three young babes of my own.
Here's the story that prompted this post:
My three girls, my husband and I were at Gigglybops, a local kid play cafe' in our town. The girls love it there because they can dive into the huge ball pit and climb the climbing wall. I love it because I can get a steamy hot half-caf latte (gotta spread the caffeine out all day long) and do the occasional email in between helping one of them scale the roof of the play house or open the lid to the elephant trunk game (don't ask.)
Our "center-child", A (who is potty training) yells, "I have to go potty. I have to go potty!" Jim runs over saying, "Okay, let's go go go!" and they rush into the bathroom. A few minutes later, I hear a mom who is sitting with two friends chatting, whisper to her daughther, "Someone's in the bathroom - we'll have to wait." A few more minutes go by and Jim and A are still not out of the bathroom. The mom is getting visibly agitated, though the daughter seems to be doing okay. Now, I admit - I would be a bit stressed, too, if I was the mom. There's something visceral that comes alive when I imagine my child in physical discomfort. And I hate that feeling of having to... um, go potty, and not being able to just get it done. So, I identified with the mom as I watched her pace around and glance every 30 seconds at the bathroom door.
Until...
She started making comments to her friends about my child. I'm not even sure what she said, exactly. It was something about her taking so long in the bathroom. There was an eye roll and an irritated sigh. Then there was something really distasteful about bathroom citrus spray.
I'm guessing that the mom didn't realize that it was my child in the bathroom, and that I was behind her at a table, with a really great view of her body language and within earshot of her conversation. My first reaction was pure Mama-fight - Hey, my kid is two years old and potty training! Are you making FUN of her?!
But then I realized, this is one of those moments. This is one of those times where stepping back and observing is the best approach. Notice how I feel, hearing this mom, who is understandably not at her best right now, be mean and catty about my daughter. Imagine how icky she must feel right now to be stooping to such a place. Once I got myself out of hyper-defense mode, I realized something really valuable and annoying.
If I met that woman again in any context, I would not want to engage with her. Even if she is nice to me. Even if I hear that she is a brilliant editor and I want desperately to get published in her magazine. I don't trust her because I now know that she can be catty about a two year old who is practicing going potty. She has bad judgement.
That woman is branding herself. It's not the only thing I noticed about her, of course. I noticed that she ignored her kids while they screamed all over the play area, though I originally decided that she must be exhausted and just needed a place to let them blow off steam. Been there before myself, plenty. I also noticed that she was nicely dressed and seemed to be having a really engaged and interesting conversation with her friends, which I always appreciate since I love engaged conversations with friends. Before the icky thing over my daughter using the bathroom, I was relatively neutral about this woman.
No more. Because the way you are with kids is very indicative of who you are as a person. It's not the sum total and I get it that kids can bring out the glorious best - and the no-one-should-see-this-worst in many of us. I'm just saying that the thing we have to keep in mind is that it all communicates to the world, like it or not, who we are and what we value. Especially in light of the fact that little human souls need compassion and love, not judgment, even when we aren't feeling our best. We have to step up anyway. For them first and foremost - but, frankly, also because it's our personal brand at stake.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Authentic Eloquence
According to Merriam-Webster Online, the etymology of the word "eloquent" is Latin, meaning "to speak" or "speak out". Their definition of "eloquence" uses words like force and persuasiveness, which make me recoil in a bit of shock and concern. This is not exactly what I mean when I advocate eloquence, and frankly, not what I think most of us think of when we hear the word.
Fortunately, the web provides multitudes of credible word definition sites and this one from Princeton is exactly what I had in mind: It is primarily the power of expressing strong emotions in striking and appropriate language, thereby producing conviction or persuasion. The term is also used for writing in a fluent style.
I love the Princeton definition for a few reasons: it talks about strong emotions, it mentions fluency and it brings up appropriateness.
Eloquence, to me, is about communicating with intention, crafting your message thoughtfully, taking into consideration others involved in the exchange, and expending some highly valuable energy on making it sound fabulous.
That fabulous part is where authenticity joins in. Your fabulous is different than my fabulous. Fabulous is about your passion, your language, your style. To me, the Princeton definition is way more fabulous (and accurate, actually - but language really can be so very personal, can't it?) and it serves my purpose in communicating my business message.
Know your fabulous. Dig deep. This doesn't arrive without considerable inquiry, maybe even a bit of the proverbial navel contemplation (no connection to actual "deep digging" here). Once you have explored sufficiently, be sure to name your style. Articulate your message, craft your mission statement; give yourself a statement that represents you. Use this clearly articulated statement when you craft your messaging - any messaging - and your communication will be infinitely more memorable and powerful. Infinitely.
Fortunately, the web provides multitudes of credible word definition sites and this one from Princeton is exactly what I had in mind: It is primarily the power of expressing strong emotions in striking and appropriate language, thereby producing conviction or persuasion. The term is also used for writing in a fluent style.
I love the Princeton definition for a few reasons: it talks about strong emotions, it mentions fluency and it brings up appropriateness.
Eloquence, to me, is about communicating with intention, crafting your message thoughtfully, taking into consideration others involved in the exchange, and expending some highly valuable energy on making it sound fabulous.
That fabulous part is where authenticity joins in. Your fabulous is different than my fabulous. Fabulous is about your passion, your language, your style. To me, the Princeton definition is way more fabulous (and accurate, actually - but language really can be so very personal, can't it?) and it serves my purpose in communicating my business message.
Know your fabulous. Dig deep. This doesn't arrive without considerable inquiry, maybe even a bit of the proverbial navel contemplation (no connection to actual "deep digging" here). Once you have explored sufficiently, be sure to name your style. Articulate your message, craft your mission statement; give yourself a statement that represents you. Use this clearly articulated statement when you craft your messaging - any messaging - and your communication will be infinitely more memorable and powerful. Infinitely.
Monday, October 6, 2008
You Talk, You Brand
I've been working on a new brochure for my business, Eloquence Communication. The process is shockingly lengthy, with a zillion tiny decisions. What size brochure do I want? Where do I want to place client testimonials? Is it obvious enough, early enough in the brochure experience exactly what service we provide?
Oh, so many little details. And this follows a zillion more details I already attended in the process of doing the re-brand we are implementing (more on that in another post, when I have enough distance from the process that I can talk about it with some enthusiasm).
The brochure was virtually done and I was showing it to some friends to get feedback on the layout. Looking at the client testimonials page which I had titled "Praise", my friend, Cynthia, said, "I would use a different word besides 'Praise' on this page. The way it is now, I can't tell if this is a service you provide or what."
Totally useful feedback. Obviously, further reading would indicate that this is the place in the brochure where we share "testimonials". But no one wants to work that hard to find out what you are trying to say to them in your business brochure. And the thing is, I had already decided against "testimonials" (too dry) and "buzz" (too cliche, too marketing-speak) and I was out of ideas for what to title this section.
I kept trying to decide it wasn't that big of a deal, but the fact is, it does matter. What you say brands you and your business. And while "branding" is the epitome of marketing-speak now, it is a serious fact-of-the-matter that you are branding all the while you are doing anything.
When you are marketing a small business that you own, you are your walking, talking branding machine. The words you choose, the way you listen, the questions you ask - they tell the world what you value, what the experience of working with you will be like. So the words in my brochure, which I plan to distribute far and wide (strategically targeted, of course) should be an indication of the experience of working with my business.
This requires me to be very clear about the experience of working with my business; which I am because this is a huge part of what we do at Eloquence Communication. We help you get very clear who you are in your business so that you can bring Authentic Eloquence to your work. I reminded myself that Eloquence Communication is about authenticity and beauty in language. We believe in finding the most natural word that clearly makes whatever point is sought, while investing a bit of time exploring nuances in language that might be even clearer and more interesting. It is first about authenticity and clarity, but a close second about creativity and innovation in language.
Finally, I decided to label that section "Praise for the Eloquence Experience" (with help from my wordsmith husband) because it was on-brand - and I liked it. It feels right. It sounds good to me. It is clear and useful. And did I say, I liked it?
That's the other thing - be sure you really like the brand you create. Only way to do that is to create it with intention. And get it that every little thing you say and do contributes to your personal brand. For small business owners, your personal brand is often your business brand.
Oh, so many little details. And this follows a zillion more details I already attended in the process of doing the re-brand we are implementing (more on that in another post, when I have enough distance from the process that I can talk about it with some enthusiasm).
The brochure was virtually done and I was showing it to some friends to get feedback on the layout. Looking at the client testimonials page which I had titled "Praise", my friend, Cynthia, said, "I would use a different word besides 'Praise' on this page. The way it is now, I can't tell if this is a service you provide or what."
Totally useful feedback. Obviously, further reading would indicate that this is the place in the brochure where we share "testimonials". But no one wants to work that hard to find out what you are trying to say to them in your business brochure. And the thing is, I had already decided against "testimonials" (too dry) and "buzz" (too cliche, too marketing-speak) and I was out of ideas for what to title this section.
I kept trying to decide it wasn't that big of a deal, but the fact is, it does matter. What you say brands you and your business. And while "branding" is the epitome of marketing-speak now, it is a serious fact-of-the-matter that you are branding all the while you are doing anything.
When you are marketing a small business that you own, you are your walking, talking branding machine. The words you choose, the way you listen, the questions you ask - they tell the world what you value, what the experience of working with you will be like. So the words in my brochure, which I plan to distribute far and wide (strategically targeted, of course) should be an indication of the experience of working with my business.
This requires me to be very clear about the experience of working with my business; which I am because this is a huge part of what we do at Eloquence Communication. We help you get very clear who you are in your business so that you can bring Authentic Eloquence to your work. I reminded myself that Eloquence Communication is about authenticity and beauty in language. We believe in finding the most natural word that clearly makes whatever point is sought, while investing a bit of time exploring nuances in language that might be even clearer and more interesting. It is first about authenticity and clarity, but a close second about creativity and innovation in language.
Finally, I decided to label that section "Praise for the Eloquence Experience" (with help from my wordsmith husband) because it was on-brand - and I liked it. It feels right. It sounds good to me. It is clear and useful. And did I say, I liked it?
That's the other thing - be sure you really like the brand you create. Only way to do that is to create it with intention. And get it that every little thing you say and do contributes to your personal brand. For small business owners, your personal brand is often your business brand.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Mission: Courageous and Compassionate Communication
One of my current favorite business-y type books is The Power of Story by Loehr. So many useful and accurate tidbits in there, but one of my favorites was his conceptualization of purpose. Loehr says we can't really live our best life unless we discover and articulate our real purpose, or Ultimate Mission, as he calls it. He gives this example of an unnamed famous tennis player (FTP) who's gotten caught up in winning and the resultant material goods - fancy cars and shiny medals. After some pushing and prodding from Loehr about what FTP's Ultimate Mission really is, FTP arrives back at Loehr's office with her proclamation: She wants to be sunshine.
From that realization forward, FTP is focused on being sunshine in every interaction. She smiles more, she brings levity and happiness to her interactions. She wants to win, but how she wins and loses is more important. As you might suspect, she wins more as a result. Loehr argues that she wins more because she has a powerful story that inspires her actions. She is totally engaged in her mission and that engagement brings extraordinary performance. Yes - it's a bit of a sing-songy example, but it gets the point across. Know your mission, get focused on that single thing and let that total engagement bring you to a greater level of brilliance (or performance.)
My Ultimate Mission is Courage and Compassion. I like this mission for everything - but I particularly like the way these words work with communication specifically.
While at first glance it might seem this mission is about how I treat others - and I do intend it that way - the fact is, it plays out most often with myself. It's about being courageous enough to be honest with myself about my interactions. It's about recognizing when I have argued a point I no longer believe in, just to win. It's about apologizing when I said something hurtful because I was too enamored with my own epiphany to notice that this was not the right time to share this reflection with a wounded soul. It's about being compassionate with myself when I fail to meet my own expectations. It's about being impeccable with my word (to use the words of Don Miguel Ruiz), first and foremost to myself - and with others. And to save this post from sounding like a horrible self-help book - it's also about putting my ass on the line. (Self-help books rarely use the word ass.) It's about sharing my frailties, asking for feedback and forgiveness. It's also about articulating my brilliance and risking that others will argue against my own impressions of myself.
While I tend to be direct in communication, it's usually in my questions to others. I tend to share little about myself. I want to see what happens if I am significantly more self-expressed. I'm pretty nervous because, well, I want people to think I'm cool. Or at least I want to think people think I'm cool. As a result of my new courageous communication, I'm pretty sure I'll learn that at least some people won't think I'm cool. That part sucks.
It's a good thing I've got the compassion thing to fall back on. I'll be needing that as I soothe myself from any negative feedback. This'll be good for me because frankly, I haven't been compassionate enough with myself or others up to now.
From that realization forward, FTP is focused on being sunshine in every interaction. She smiles more, she brings levity and happiness to her interactions. She wants to win, but how she wins and loses is more important. As you might suspect, she wins more as a result. Loehr argues that she wins more because she has a powerful story that inspires her actions. She is totally engaged in her mission and that engagement brings extraordinary performance. Yes - it's a bit of a sing-songy example, but it gets the point across. Know your mission, get focused on that single thing and let that total engagement bring you to a greater level of brilliance (or performance.)
My Ultimate Mission is Courage and Compassion. I like this mission for everything - but I particularly like the way these words work with communication specifically.
While at first glance it might seem this mission is about how I treat others - and I do intend it that way - the fact is, it plays out most often with myself. It's about being courageous enough to be honest with myself about my interactions. It's about recognizing when I have argued a point I no longer believe in, just to win. It's about apologizing when I said something hurtful because I was too enamored with my own epiphany to notice that this was not the right time to share this reflection with a wounded soul. It's about being compassionate with myself when I fail to meet my own expectations. It's about being impeccable with my word (to use the words of Don Miguel Ruiz), first and foremost to myself - and with others. And to save this post from sounding like a horrible self-help book - it's also about putting my ass on the line. (Self-help books rarely use the word ass.) It's about sharing my frailties, asking for feedback and forgiveness. It's also about articulating my brilliance and risking that others will argue against my own impressions of myself.
While I tend to be direct in communication, it's usually in my questions to others. I tend to share little about myself. I want to see what happens if I am significantly more self-expressed. I'm pretty nervous because, well, I want people to think I'm cool. Or at least I want to think people think I'm cool. As a result of my new courageous communication, I'm pretty sure I'll learn that at least some people won't think I'm cool. That part sucks.
It's a good thing I've got the compassion thing to fall back on. I'll be needing that as I soothe myself from any negative feedback. This'll be good for me because frankly, I haven't been compassionate enough with myself or others up to now.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
The Business of Being Happy
My latest article in True North Parenting is on entrepreneurship and family. It's called The Business of Being Happy: Family and the entrepreneurial spirit. In it I explore the good and not-so-great about owning your own business when you are a parent. Check it out - and share your thoughts, ideas, and stories with me. This is one of my favorite topics!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
It's What You Know That Counts
Think about your favorite topic right now. The thing that makes you giddy, excited, totally engaged and immersed. Maybe it's football. Or knitting. Or honey bees. Doesn't matter.
Now, tell me about it. Tell me a story about it. Then tell me how it works. Tell me what I can do with this information to make my life so much better - like yours is for knowing all about this thing.
Then listen to you.
Hear that energy and fire? Hear that clarity and confidence?
That, my friend, is the zone. That's what you want when you are going to talk publicly on any topic. That is how you want to feel; the energy you want. And you can have it. Here's how: get very educated on the topic. Learn everything you can about that which you are going to share publicly. Immerse yourself in the world of your topic and find inspiration. There's a story out there that will pull on your heart or build a fire in your belly. There are statistics and trends that bring this concept to life. Gather it all up.
Then make it yours. Discover in you where this information matters. Does the fact that children's toys may have toxic levels of lead endanger your own children? Does it make you angry that our government hasn't protected your nephew from this atrocity? Are you curious if this explains your own neurological disorder? Or, does your company's software create the cutting edge - take clients where no one has ever gone before? Does this software handle a problem you know has caused tons of angst and frustration in the industry? Because you get to bring peace and productivity to those agonized souls, if it does. So, own that power. And tell them all about the solution you can bring to their lives.
In the case of public speaking, it is what you know that counts.
Research your brains out. Exhaust the evidence. Then choose the most compelling statistics and the most thrilling stories to make your case. Pull them together clearly - with simplicity - and your audience will be absorbed, enthralled, intrigued. You will, too - and that'll make you speak with energy and fire. They'll love it. You'll love it, too.
Now go tear it up.
Now, tell me about it. Tell me a story about it. Then tell me how it works. Tell me what I can do with this information to make my life so much better - like yours is for knowing all about this thing.
Then listen to you.
Hear that energy and fire? Hear that clarity and confidence?
That, my friend, is the zone. That's what you want when you are going to talk publicly on any topic. That is how you want to feel; the energy you want. And you can have it. Here's how: get very educated on the topic. Learn everything you can about that which you are going to share publicly. Immerse yourself in the world of your topic and find inspiration. There's a story out there that will pull on your heart or build a fire in your belly. There are statistics and trends that bring this concept to life. Gather it all up.
Then make it yours. Discover in you where this information matters. Does the fact that children's toys may have toxic levels of lead endanger your own children? Does it make you angry that our government hasn't protected your nephew from this atrocity? Are you curious if this explains your own neurological disorder? Or, does your company's software create the cutting edge - take clients where no one has ever gone before? Does this software handle a problem you know has caused tons of angst and frustration in the industry? Because you get to bring peace and productivity to those agonized souls, if it does. So, own that power. And tell them all about the solution you can bring to their lives.
In the case of public speaking, it is what you know that counts.
Research your brains out. Exhaust the evidence. Then choose the most compelling statistics and the most thrilling stories to make your case. Pull them together clearly - with simplicity - and your audience will be absorbed, enthralled, intrigued. You will, too - and that'll make you speak with energy and fire. They'll love it. You'll love it, too.
Now go tear it up.
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